|date||Nov 19, 2009|
|author||Voddie Baucham||topics & issues||Biblical Ethics, Children, Family|
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but there are people out there who hate what I say, how I live, and what I stand for. Some of them will stop at nothing in their efforts to discredit me. They stoop to gossip, slander, libel, and sometimes death threats (though these have been limited to those who are angered by my outspoken stance on the sodomization of America). Most of these people claim to be Christians. However, few of them actually come to me (Matthew 18:15; Luke 17:3; 2 Thess 3:15; Titus 3:10; James 5:19; Lev. 19:17), instead opting to use the internet to invent, and advance their charges.
As most of you know, my position on this has been to keep silent and allow my name, reputation, and body of work speak for me. This has been very effective, for the most part, since libelous remarks made on the websites in question (I hope you’ll forgive me for not linking to them) have almost always been answered by clear-thinking, honest people who can easily refute the lies.
Nevertheless, this time, I feel the need to respond, and I will do so for two reasons. First, because the libelous charge in this case has been raised and answered on a number of occasions, but continues to rear it’s head due to the use of a soundbite taken from segment of a section of a message I preached several years ago. Second, this soundbite, taken from a segment, taken from a section of a message I preached years ago has led some well-meaning people to ask for an explanation. Therefore, allow me to explain:
Question Of the Month:
In watching your Biblical Womanhood (5 of 8) video on Youtube, you said that many men have affairs because they need the attention of younger women and are not getting that attention from their daughters. What do you mean? That seems like a very untrue and dangerous statement. Could you clarify that for me?
A Word of Clarification
First, I’d like to point out that this question, as specific as it is, has been repeated almost verbatim by a number of people (though only this one bothered to direct it to me personally). It is as though it were a template given to them by someone else. Second, notice that the statement completely ignores the context. Here is the actual statement (without the context)
"A lot of men are leaving their wives for younger women because they yearn for attention from younger women. And God gave them a daughter who can give them that."
It is easy to see how someone could be worried about that quote. However, if they knew me, knew my teaching, knew my life, and listened to the rest of the statement, it would be a little less likely that they would jump to the conclusion that I am advocating incest (as some are actually doing on the web)!
Here is the statement in a larger context:
"A lot of men are leaving their wives for younger women because they yearn for attention from younger women. And God gave them a daughter who can give them that. And instead, they go find a substitute daughter, You've seen it! We've all seen it! These OLD GUYS! Going and finding substitute daughters. Why? Why? We don't understand what love is, folks."
And then I go on to give the definition of love, never touching the subject again. My point here has nothing to do with the role of a daughter in a father’s sexual life. On the contrary, I am talking about our misunderstanding of the nature of love that leads to the erroneous belief that true love is about sex! In the broader context, I am arguing for embracing a biblical definition of love that will allow fathers to overcome the awkwardness they often experience when their daughters become young women. Is this dangerous?
If this statement was “dangerous,” then why did Northpoint Church (where I preached the message) reproduce it and sell it? If I was talking about incest, then why was I invited back the next year? Moreover, why is it that it has taken the patriarchy hunters over three years to uncover this blatant, sinful, egregious heresy? If I am promoting incest, then why have these women failed to contact me, my church, my family, or the authorities?
I’ll tell you why; because no honest human being who knows me, my teaching, my life, and listens to these messages in context would come away with such nonsense. Listen to the message in context and it is clear that I am talking about a very particular kind of man with a very particular kind of problem, and using him as an illustration of the worst expression of the error I am condemning in the message. I am in fact calling men to embrace a biblical relationship with their daughters, and reject the practice that we have all seen of chasing young women who (though used for sex) become substitute daughters for these “Old Guys”.
If you’ve seen this phenomenon before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You also know that it creates incredible awkwardness for their daughters because they feel like they’ve been replaced by these younger women. Does that mean they desire sex from their fathers? ABSOLUTELY NOT! On the contrary, it means they understand the very principle I was trying to elucidate in this illustration (yes... this is all about an illustration). Daughters in this situation understand that their fathers are giving fatherly attention and affection to someone else, and they have been brushed aside. The sexual aspect of this kind of affair is sickening precisely because of the fatherly aspects. The man is seen as taking advantage of a woman looking for a father figure, and the young woman is seen as giving her body to (and wasting her time with) an old man simply because she wants the same.
I am not the first person to point this out. This is Psych 101 stuff (no, Virginia, I don’t endorse Freudian psychology... it’s just a well-known cultural catchphrase... no need for another blog crusade). The concept is so ubiquitous that Alfred Hitchcock alluded to it in his classic 1960 film, Psycho (early in the film when the “Old man” flirts with Janet Leigh’s character after telling her that he has a daughter her age that just left the nest), and the theme runs through Nancy Meyers 2003 film (starring the consummate dirty old man, Jack Nicholson), Something’s Gotta Give (no, Virginia, I do not offer my blanket endorsement here; I’m just furthering my point) where Amanda Peet’s character, upon discovering that her father is marrying a woman two years older than she, actually utters the words, “I feel like dad’s replacing me.” In other words, my assertion is neither novel, nor strange.
When and if you see this attack on the net, please know that the attackers are not seeking to correct me, or advance the gospel. These women are seeking to discredit me because of their hatred of what I represent. They hate the fact that a respected, mainstream, orthodox teacher espouses a clear distinction on the matter of manhood, womanhood, headship and submission. They would prefer I pastored a church that was not growing; that I did not have a reputation for clear exegetical teaching; that I required my wife (and other women) to wear head coverings; that I refused to preach from anything but the King James Bible; that I required my daughter to be ignorant and uneducated; that I came across as an ignorant, oppressive neanderthal instead of a man who loves and respects his wife and daughter (darn that Voddie Baucham for being a man who changes diapers, shares the homeschooling load, and loves to cook the occasional gourmet meal for his family).
Unfortunately, I am none of those things. Therefore, these women must take ten-second segments of sermons and parse the words in order to find things that “sound dangerous”, and “could be misunderstood” by my “followers”. How sad! I don’t hate these people; I pity them. On the other hand, I am grateful for those of you who continue to fight the good fight on my behalf in the blogosphere, and hope this answer helps. Of course, it will only help temporarily as the detractors cannot concede.